i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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