You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
