That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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