Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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