ADVERTISEMENT

• (248): View more from Michigan

  did you get my message about your dog?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  no... is he ok?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry

  Fav 16 918 3135

  share tweet
  

• (312): View more from Illinois

  omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.

  Fav 13 1217 2125

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (248): View more from Michigan

  Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  You suck.

  Fav 41 1118 3669

  share tweet
  

• (813): View more from Florida

  Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??

  Fav 12 3535 1770

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...

  Fav 11 3186 1289

  share tweet
  

• (416): View more from Toronto

  I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".

  (416): View more from Toronto

  That's about an "8" on normal scales.

  Fav 7 3040 1286

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?

  Fav 9 1877 945

  share tweet
  

• (727): View more from Florida

  I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"

  Fav 8 2962 914

  share tweet
  

• (714): View more from California

  She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.

  Fav 8 1267 2397

  share tweet
  

• (830): View more from Texas

  Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?

  Fav 7 1944 781

  share tweet
  

• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.

  Fav 4 2796 701

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.

  Fav 9 1155 635

  share tweet
  

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood

  Fav 0 811 444

  share tweet
  

• (720): View more from Colorado

  Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...

  Fav 1 314 215

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (316): View more from Kansas

  Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.

  Fav 0 37 7

  share tweet
  

Randomize