WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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