just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
