We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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