I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Randomize
