I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
