She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
