a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
