I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
