Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
