You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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