I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
