happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
