Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
