So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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