new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
