I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
