Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
