but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
