I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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