I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
