AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
They are going to name an STD after you.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
