i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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