p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
