Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
