stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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