I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
