WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
