i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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