All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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