marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
How's work?
Spinning.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
