They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
