You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
