I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
