They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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