there's paper in my vomit.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
