Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
