I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
