I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
