hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
