So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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