Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Come share oat with me in your robe
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
