Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
