Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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