I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
