Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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